You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
