I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
