you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
