Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
