I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
