Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
