He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
