Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
