How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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