Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
