Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
