your room smells of hookers.
And success
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
