My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize