WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
