So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
