Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
