Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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