I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
