im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
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I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize