I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You ruined the universe
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
