It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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