can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
