For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
