i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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