I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
