dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
