Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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