I think i peed on brittanys purse
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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