she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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