I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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