Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Randomize
