I heard we made out
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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