I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
