just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
