So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
