Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
