i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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