i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
