We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
