I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
