i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
