Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
