She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
