I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize