It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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