You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
