just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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