I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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