i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
