All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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