All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
