Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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