True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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