Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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