My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You smell like stripper and shame
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
