i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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