im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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