Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
