Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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