I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
