I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
