It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
