I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
