The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
