did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
