we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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