and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
