I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
