entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
