I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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