i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
