but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
