It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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