What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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