so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
