Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
