Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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