You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
