First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
