hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
