i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't think brook has ever known best
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
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i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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