Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Less talking, more tequila
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize