she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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