well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
