I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
