Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
