The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
