if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
